Since our potential fire fiasco this morning, it turns out to be a good thing that Pat didn't walk into stake conference, but he did get his walking in on the way out.  We stopped for several breaks along the way and entered into a bargain at our last break.  Poor Pat didn't quite know what he was getting into because I had a revelation that the only way he is going to walk more is if walking becomes easier than being in the wheelchair since he always chooses what seems to be the easier way. 

So the bargain was that if I pulled the van up the remaining few feet to where he was waiting, he would get himself into the car.  The part that I didn't tell him was that he had to get himself and also his walker and wheelchair into the car.  Keep in mind that he had already been walking for about a half an hour if you include the break times, so he was probably pretty tired.  He got the everything in the car and didn't scuff the seat of his pants too much doing it.  He first placed the walker into the car.  Then got into the car but got back out into the sidewalk on his rear end.  Then he took the wheelchair apart piece by piece and tossed it into the car.  When that was done, he pulled himself back into the car.  Sounds pretty easy when you type it, but he forbade me from telling how long it took.  I will say that there were a few burns from the heat of the car door and he smashed his thumb between the chair and the cement.  I know from personal experience just how much that hurts. 

As we drove home I explained that we were going to have two choices about walking from then on.  He is welcome to make the decision to use the wheelchair while we are out and about, but every time that he does, he will be required to get his own wheelchair in and out of the car.  If he chooses to use the walker, he can walk into the store and use one of their chairs or I will follow behind him with his wheelchair so that he can have a few breaks along the way but no more easy road with the wheelchair.  Needless to say, when we got home, he opted to use the walker to get into the house instead of the chair. 

SuperPat's comments - "I am used to walking in the house every day.  I am not used to walking from the chapel to the van, putting my walker in the van, dissassembling the wheelchair piece by piece and putting myself into the van but it wasn't over then.  When I got home, my tennis ball from my outside walker rolled under the van so my wife went inside and got my other walker and brought it out to me.  And then I started walking.  I walked up the ramp into the house, walked past my therapy pole into the kitchen because I was so thirsty.  I noticed that I was tired so instead of getting a drink, I turned a few times around in the kitechen and then went back to the dining room and collapsed on my chair, utterly exhausted.  It was a lot of hard work and there is more to come.  I know that I can't get out of the choices that my wife has offered me but I have to do it, and do it good.  The choice of putting the wheelchair will take so much energy that it will be so much easier to use Plan B which is to just grab the walker and do it.  To quote LL Cool Jay, Doin' it, Doin' it, Doin' it right."

SuperGirl's comments - Pat thought that I started the new choices because I was angry at him.  I was able to explain that I am not angry, but just trying to help him progress.  We have been talking a lot about choice and accountability and how what seems like is the easiest choice at first is not always the easiest as you go along so it is better to make a the right choice instead of the easy choice.  That way when it gets tough, you don't want to give up just because it is hard because you know that you have right behind you. 

Another goal that I have for Pat is that he start to tell people of his sucesses and failures instead of relying on me to always be his messenger.  Deep down he feels like he is and should be punished for his past sins and the sins of his father and he sees the wheelchair as his atonement for those sins.  So to admit that he is ready to lay all of it aside and move forward is a really big step.  So far he has managed to avoid the consenquences of moving forward by not setting goals for himself.  I think that mentally he figures that letting others set goals for him and acknowledge his accomplishments it is a way to cheat the system and to not have to feel guilty when he is trying to get out of the chair.  That way he can always say that he wasn't trying to get out, everyone else just made him do it. 

I am hoping that he is starting to realize with the help of his therapist that this is not punishment and that being baptized and doing the temple work for himself and his family has allowed the past to be changed.  I know that he knows that all of his sins were forgiven but I am not sure he is ready to let some of these go, specifically the guilt and pain he feels for not being able to save his family when feels that he should have.  How wonderful it is to know that what a great gift of forgivness he has also opened up for his father, if his father chooses to accept it and repent like Pat has.  The only way that we can change is through Christ and also the only way that we can truly be healed.  I am so grateful that his life was spared to bring that forgiveness not only to himself but to his family as well.  Pat we all support you and love you, please don't give up.

SuperPat again - I would like to make a call to Darth Tator and The Spudmeister (sorry Spudmeister, SuperGirl was having a really hard time remembering your name, all she could think was Spudilicious, but we knew that wasn't it).  Darth, TSM, and MamaSpud - I'M BRINGING IT so watch out because SuperPat is on the prowl.  He is kicking tatoes and take names so unless you want to be deep fried and smothered with cheese, get off that couch.